Speeches > Kirt R. Saville > Living a Life of Service and Love: What Goes Around Comes Around
Living a Life of Service and Love: What Goes Around Comes Around
Kirt r. saville.
Director, School of Music
August 1, 2017
We can plan to give service—and I think that is excellent—but I believe the Savior taught and exemplified a better way. Christ most often blessed others when He was on His way to do something else.
I would like to begin my remarks today by paying tribute to my parents. It wasn’t until I began serving my mission that I realized some parents don’t value their children, don’t do everything within their power to make their lives better, and don’t help their children aspire to be the best they can be. I was one of the fortunate ones, along with my brother and sister, to be born into a family where I was loved, nurtured, and taught by loving parents. They had high expectations for me, but when I failed, they were still there to guide, encourage, and show me how to pick myself up and move forward.
My parents, to the best of my knowledge, had never been very active in the Church. They encouraged us children to attend, but their attendance was infrequent. Yet it was from them that I learned how to live a Christian life. My father, in particular, was the kind of person who could never pass by someone who needed help.
I recall a trip that we made from Salt Lake City to Bear Lake, where a weekend of clear blue water, swimming, water skiing, and fun awaited me. Our typical route was to go to Evanston, Wyoming, and then on to Bear Lake. About twenty miles to the southwest of Evanston, my father noticed a man was trying to flag down cars on the other side of the divided highway. My father could never pass by someone who needed help. He drove five miles up our side of the freeway until he found the first turnaround, drove back five miles, picked up the man who had run out of gas, went five miles in the wrong direction, turned around again, drove the twenty-five miles back to Evanston, helped the man get gas, and drove him back to his car.
Being an impatient teenager, I was more than irritated at the long delay. After we finally got on our way, I asked my dad why would he go so far out of his way to help someone. Surely someone else would have stopped and given that man assistance.
My dad simply responded, “What goes around comes around.” After seeing the confused look on my face, he further explained, “I believe that someday maybe you or I will be on the side of the road looking for help, and someone will return the favor.”
Being ever the optimist, I replied, “I seriously doubt it.”
So today I would like to title my talk “Living a Life of Service and Love: What Goes Around Comes Around.”
We’ve heard this saying before in many different forms. The Boy Scout slogan: Do a good turn daily. Pay it back. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, which is the golden rule. You reap what you sow.
These are all well and good, but my dad lived by the mantra “What goes around comes around.” He would help anyone anytime and anywhere.
But on the other hand, how many times have we heard or said that no good deed goes unpunished? In today’s world we see evidence again and again, televised for the world to see, that the world is an ugly place where those who are innocent and who try to do good come out on the short end of the stick.
Service Given, Service Received
I often hoped that my father’s mantra was true, but I was never quite sure I believed it. Over the years I learned to admire the dedication that my father had to his mantra. But I must say that I never saw it “come around” until years later when we took a trip to Flaming Gorge Reservoir. I remember this trip clearly because it was Friday the thirteenth. Since I was the only child left in the house, I knew it would be a great getaway with my parents. We loved to fish at Flaming Gorge.
This happened while I was in high school—which, according to my kids, was shortly after the earth cooled and most likely during the Jurassic period.
We owned a small cabin cruiser that was about fourteen to fifteen feet in length. It was big enough to sleep three if someone was willing to sleep on the floor—and that was always me. We put our boat in at Sheep Creek Marina. Our goal was to go as far north as possible, spend the weekend in our little boat, and fish until we had our limit.
As I remember, we joked that it was Friday the thirteenth. What followed later that weekend etched that date forever in my mind.
On Friday, heading toward the Wyoming side of the reservoir, we traveled some distance before we began to fish. Frankly, the fishing wasn’t very good, but we loved being out on the boat together in such a beautiful place.
I remember my father saying, “Look, there’s a man on the far shore who’s waving at us.”
I looked up but could barely see anyone. Still, I knew that it was time to pull in the lines. We fired up the motor and went toward the other side of the reservoir, where the man was still waving at us. It seemed odd to me that this man was standing on a barren hillside with no other boat in sight, but when he saw that we were coming, he motioned for us to go around a bend into a small hidden cove. When we came around the hill I was shocked to see a beautiful big yacht pulled onto the shore. It was easily twice the length and width of our little boat.
The man thanked us profusely for coming to his assistance. His battery was dead, and he wondered if we could help him. We did, and soon his big motor roared back to life. The man and his family were very grateful. We lost an hour of fishing, but we were soon back out on the reservoir.
The next day the fishing didn’t improve. As a matter of fact, it was terrible, so we decided to call it quits and go back to the marina. We were about two miles from the marina where we had launched our boat when we found ourselves fighting a blustering headwind that slowed our progress. The waves were kicking up, and suddenly our engine decided to quit. We tried in vain to get it running, but it simply wouldn’t start. My dad was a do-it-yourself kind of guy, and he had built our cabin cruiser from a basic hull. He could always keep our cars and our boat motors running, but not this time.
In the midst of trying to pull-start our outboard motor, much to our surprise, the fellow in the big yacht pulled up and asked if he could be of assistance. I had never been so pleased to see someone! Flaming Gorge is a very big reservoir, and we had been out there for two days. I was amazed that of all the people on the reservoir, he would be the person to show up to give us aid. He offered to tow us back to the marina, even though we were still quite a distance out. We happily accepted his kind offer.
All was going well, and we went at a nice and even slow click for some time, being pulled behind this monstrosity of a boat. We could actually see the marina in the distance when suddenly the motor on the yacht died. We checked the gas lines, the fuel filter—everything. But the motor wouldn’t start. It was Friday-the-thirteenth-weekend kind of luck. We tried his little trolling motor, but it wouldn’t start.
In the meantime, the wind had kicked up into a gale-force wind and was blowing us farther and farther away from the marina. I could barely see the marina in the distance as my dad and Mr. Yacht Guy worked on the engines. Three motors, and not a single one of them would start. What luck!
Out of the blue a little old man and his wife puttered up to us in a little twelve-foot, open-bow, aluminum fishing boat. I remember being shocked to see his wife sitting there all done up pretty with pancake makeup plastered on her windblown face.
I thought, “What in the world are these two doing out here in this tiny boat amid all of these winds and waves?”
The old gentleman offered to tow us in. Quite frankly, I looked at him in disbelief. He hooked a line to the big yacht, and with his little twenty-five horsepower outboard motor, he puttered away like a tugboat with a battleship. Soon he and the big yacht faded out of sight as they went toward the marina.
Meanwhile, we were being blown ever farther away from our destination. We were still in a pickle. But forty-five minutes later the little old man and his wife came back out to us, tossed us a line, and proceeded to tow us back to the dock. I was amazed that these folks were so willing to go so far out of their way to help us. Their kindness and willingness to give so much time and effort to assist total strangers was a gift that I will never forget.
By now we were fast friends—made so by the events of the day and the weekend. We helped the rich fellow get his yacht loaded onto his trailer, and next we helped load the little aluminum boat. As fate would have it, the old gentleman had left the lights on in his car, so his car battery was dead. My dad pulled out his jumper cables and got the car running. We all helped to get the little boat and ours safely secured onto our trailers.
We laughed all the way home about the adventures of that weekend. What goes around really does comes around. I finally had a chance to witness my father’s mantra in action. I may be a little slow, but this was a lesson of a lifetime that I couldn’t ignore.
Thanks, Dad, for being such a great example to me.
What Is Service?
In 2013, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf wrote:
A favorite saying of mine often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi reads, “Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words.” Implicit in this saying is the understanding that often the most powerful sermons are unspoken. 1
I am grateful for the unspoken lessons that my parents taught me. When I would come up short in my obedience or actions, I would often attempt to justify my poor behavior by employing an overabundance of characteristically charming charisma.
My father would simply shake his head and reply, “Son, your actions are speaking so loud I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”
To him, actions were more important than words. His living example of how to lead a Christian life taught me the following important principles regarding service:
- Service should be given with a smile and with no expectation of a return.
- Too often we pass by opportunities to serve because we can’t see them.
- Service is seldom convenient.
- Service most often happens when we are on the way to do something else.
- Service will eventually come back around.
A Lesson About Interruptions
I think these principles are self-evident, but let me elaborate on just one of them: service is what we do when we are on our way to do something else.
One example is the parable of the good Samaritan. Wasn’t the good Samaritan on his own journey, which he had to interrupt in order to provide assistance? The Levite and the priest both chose not to “see” the wounded man, passed to the other side, and stayed on their intended business. 2
Another example, found in Mark 10, happened when Jesus was teaching the people regarding marriage. He was interrupted by those who “brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.” 3 His disciples wanted Christ to get back to the real business that was at hand. However, we read:
But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. 4
This became a powerful teaching moment in Christ’s ministry.
In Matthew 9 we read about what appears to be a single remarkable day in Christ’s ministry. 5 Christ was teaching His disciples when He was again interrupted.
While he spake these things unto them, behold, there came a certain ruler, and worshipped him, saying, My daughter is even now dead: but come and lay thy hand upon her, and she shall live.
And Jesus arose, and followed him, and so did his disciples. 6
On his way to see the ruler’s daughter, Christ was touched by the woman who had an infirmity. He stopped and asked who had touched Him. He then blessed and healed her.
Christ then proceeded to travel on to the ruler’s house, where He announced that the daughter was not dead but was sleeping. The people laughed him to scorn, yet He proceeded to raise the ruler’s daughter from the dead.
Then verse 27 says, “And when Jesus departed thence, two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, Thou Son of David, have mercy on us.”
And then in verse 28 we read, “And when he was come into the house, the blind men” continued to implore him. Christ then healed them because of their great faith.
Next, “as they went out, behold, they brought to him a dumb man possessed with a devil.” 7 The man was healed; the dumb spake.
Christ was interrupted again and again while He was about His own intended tasks, yet He was willing to see those who were invisible to others. He interrupted His plans and blessed those who needed His loving touch.
The Law of Restoration
Do a good turn daily. Pay it back. You reap what you sow. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What goes around comes around.
These same concepts were taught by Alma to his son Corianton when Alma was trying to explain the meaning of the word restoration. Apparently Corianton believed that he could do evil today and that later good could be restored to him. Alma taught:
Therefore, my son, see that you are merciful unto your brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall ye receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again.
For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored; therefore, the word restoration more fully condemneth the sinner, and justifieth him not at all. 8
My father taught me, as Alma taught his son, that the kind of life you live will be restored to you. If you are merciful to your fellowman, mercy will come back to you. If you judge righteously, righteous judgment will return to you. If you do good continually, good shall return to you. If you are just, justice will be restored to you again.
In other words, if you want a friend, be a friend. If you want mercy, show mercy. If you want forgiveness, forgive others. If you want kindness, be kind. If you want respect, respect others.
We are all flawed beings. We have our ample share of problems, insecurities, weaknesses, and failures. But I have learned that one way to overcome them is to share whatever modest strengths and attributes we do possess with others. I testify that they will come back to you. And each time you repeat the process, your confidence and strength in that virtue or attribute will grow and become stronger. 9
Will there be bumps? Absolutely. Will the restoration of good for good be immediate? Most likely not. But somehow, somewhere, sometime these things will come back around to you in greater abundance than the amount that you gave. King Benjamin assured his people that if they would obey God’s commandments, God would immediately bless them. 10
Don’t despair when life is not fair or when it seems that no good deed goes unpunished. There is hope and a promise that a good life is its own reward. I personally find great hope in the following remarkable latter-day scripture—D&C 130:20–21:
There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—
And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.
Do a good turn daily. Pay it back. You reap what you sow. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. “For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored.” 11 What goes around comes around.
How does this apply to our lives here at BYU and to our lives in general?
We may not have the opportunity to jump-start someone’s boat in a hidden cove in a vast reservoir, but we can share a smile and a hello with someone on campus whom we don’t know—one of those students whom we pass by each day who has a downcast countenance, one of the many who are weighed down with the worries of their day. A smile can turn a frown upside down.
We may not have the opportunity to go out of our way to refill someone’s gas tank, but aren’t most of us running only on fumes by the end of the day? I know that I feel this way all too often.
We can express confidence and trust in our fellow students when they struggle in class or stumble over something that might have been obvious to others. We can encourage each other as we attempt to do the many hard things that are part and parcel of college life.
A Bucket Filler
Many years ago my sweet wife presented an object lesson in a family home evening that had a lasting impact. With two buckets—one empty and one filled with water—she gave each of us an empty cup. She demonstrated how easy it was to deplete the full bucket of water by saying unkind things. She then gave each of us a chance to fill each other’s cups by saying something kind. We took turns saying something nice, and with each act of kindness my wife added water to the cups of both the giver and the receiver of the compliment. This activity was a great visual representation of how easy it is to empty someone’s bucket or, alternatively, how we can fill someone else’s bucket by simple acts of kindness. And I must note that through the process of filling someone else’s bucket, we fill our own.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said:
I have discovered that life is not a series of great heroic acts. Life at its best is a matter of consistent goodness and decency, doing without fanfare that which needed to be done when it needed to be done. I have observed that it is not the geniuses that make the difference in this world. I have observed that the work of the world is done largely by men and women of ordinary talent who have worked in an extraordinary manner. 12
John C. Maxwell, who is recognized as a leading inspirational leadership coach, put it this way: “Doing the right thing daily compounds over time.” 13
Our family has always loved the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life, starring Jimmy Stewart. Stewart played the role of George Bailey, who had aspirations to get out of his hometown, Bedford Falls, and see the world. He had big plans and big dreams. However, George spent his entire life giving up his big dreams for the good of his town. Of course you all know the movie, and if you don’t, now is a good time to rectify your deficiency.
I can’t think of a movie that better exemplifies the long-term effects of a good life, nor can I think of one that better epitomizes how the good you do will eventually come back to you. Think of the closing scene as the town rescued George and how he came to realize that he had a truly wonderful life.
The kingdom of God is built by small and simple things. In Alma 37:6 we read:
Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
In short, we don’t have to do something gigantic or impressive to build the kingdom of God. We don’t have to convert thousands, cut a hole in the rock and descend a thousand feet in a covered wagon, heal the toxic algae bloom in Utah Lake, or create a company that will make millions. We just need to work at being a little better each day by reaching beyond ourselves to serve in even the smallest ways: giving a word of encouragement, holding a door open, doing any act of random kindness, giving a reassuring smile to a friend who’s having a bad day, or sharing the music of the songbird, the flutter of the leaves in the trees, the sound of birds in flight, the music of laughter, and perhaps the nearly silent sob of one who is suffering.
Learning to See Those Who Are Invisible
My father could see people who were in need whom others couldn’t see. How is it possible that so many could pass by the man who was stuck on the side of the road, yet my father, who was going seventy miles an hour while driving down the other side of a divided highway, saw him like he was lit up with a neon sign? How did he see the invisible man who was waving for help on the far side of the gorge when all I could see was the water and my own fishing line?
Let me speak of those who are visible and invisible.
Have you ever felt invisible? I know that I have. Sometimes in a crowd, with very little effort, we can remain invisible to those who seem to be the life of the party. Even here at BYU, with more than 30,000 students, I am certain that all of us have, at times, felt invisible. I believe it is easy to feel like no one sees you—the real you; the vulnerable, insecure, and anxious you; the you who needs someone to believe in you; the person who is stranded on the side of the road while everyone else rushes by.
I sometimes worry that the habit of engaging with our cell phones too often has the effect of making everyone around us invisible. I myself am guilty. Though we are attempting to stay connected and visible to our friends, we inadvertently shut the world out. We won’t recognize another’s need if we can’t see them. We won’t be able to give service on our way to do something else if our eyes are fixed on a screen instead of on the humanity that surrounds us.
Ferris Bueller said it best: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” 14
A Lifetime of Service
I love the hymn “Because I Have Been Given Much” because it teaches these same principles so powerfully.
Because I have been given much, I too must give; Because of thy great bounty, Lord, each day I live I shall divide my gifts from thee With ev’ry brother that I see Who has the need of help from me.
Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care, I cannot see another’s lack and I not share My glowing fire, my loaf of bread, My roof’s safe shelter overhead, That he too may be comforted.
Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord, I’ll share thy love again, according to thy word. I shall give love to those in need; I’ll show that love by word and deed: Thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed. 15
I have heard it said that a grateful child is one of life’s greatest blessings, but I would have to add that one of my greatest joys as a parent has come when I have witnessed our children being kind and generous to someone they didn’t know. That is probably because this represents and reflects the kind of love that Christ has for each of us.
Love—God’s love. How do we bring people to Christ? We do so by sharing His love with our brothers and sisters. Today I hope I have been able to convey some of the small and simple ways that we can show and reflect God’s love.
First, we must see—see those who are invisible and see those who need to be encouraged, lifted, and healed.
Second, we must be willing to interrupt our business, even for only a moment, while we are on our way to do something else.
Third, we must act through love. The more we love, the greater our capacity to love becomes. The more love we share, the more love we will have to give.
I testify to you that the more love we give, the more love will come back to us.
Do a good turn daily. Pay it back. You reap what you sow. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. “For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored.” 16 Be a bucket filler. What goes around comes around.
I wish to express my deep and abiding love, affection, and gratitude for my wonderful parents and for their devotion and love that remain a constant in my life even though they have both passed on. 17
I leave you with my testimony that the greatest work we have in today’s world is to see the unseen, to lift arms that have fallen, and to share God’s love by loving our fellowmen. I believe that in doing so, we have the chance to heal ourselves and to bring all of us closer to the perfect love of God. Of the power, of the depth, and of the beauty of His divine love I stand as a humble witness. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
1. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “ First Presidency Message: A Word for the Hesitant Missionary ,” Ensign, February 2013.
2. See Luke 10:30–37 .
3. Mark 10:13 .
4. Mark 10:14 ; see also verse 15 .
5. See Matthew 9:18–33 .
6. Matthew 9:18–19 .
7. Matthew 9:32 .
8. Alma 41:14–15 ; emphasis added.
9. See Ether 12:27 .
10. See Mosiah 2:24 .
11. Alma 41:15 .
12. Gordon B. Hinckley, One Bright Shining Hope: Messages for Women from Gordon B. Hinckley (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2006), 24; quoted in Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Gordon B. Hinckley (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2016), 191–92.
13. John C. Maxwell, quoted on The John Maxwell Company Facebook page, facebook.com/TheJohnMaxwellCompany/posts/1083460228372443 .
14. IMDB’s page for quotes for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986), imdb.com/title/tt0091042/quotes .
15. “ Because I Have Been Given Much ,” Hymns, 2002, no. 219.
16. Alma 41:15 .
17. After I had served my mission, my parents returned to full activity in the Church, and we were sealed together as a family shortly thereafter.
© Brigham Young University. All rights reserved.
See the complete list of abbreviations here
Kirt R. Saville, director of the BYU School of Music, delivered this devotional address on August 1, 2017.
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Home / English Speeches / Oprah Winfrey: Service and Success
Learn English with Oprah Winfrey . In this powerful commencement address to the class of 2012 Spelman college graduates, global media leader and philanthropist, Oprah Winfrey, shares her wisdom on life, success, and service. Known for her influential talk show and her philanthropic efforts, Oprah emphasizes the importance of having a vision for your life, being in control of your own journey, and the enduring value of service. She encourages the graduates to shift their paradigm to service, promising that success will follow. This speech is a testament to Oprah’s belief in the power of service and the significance it brings to our lives.
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Oprah Winfrey | Quote
“Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.” Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey | FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Everything you even try to do to me, already done to you. You just have to do the right thing and the right thing will follow you, even when people don’t support it. Look at you, look at you. I have to say thank you to Doctor Tatum, to the trustees and all of the faculty, our distinguished honorary guests, all of the family in the house, thank you.
Friends of the graduates. It is my exquisite delight to stand before you, the 125th graduating class, this year, 2012. As I stand before you,
I see the reflection of myself in your eyes. I feel in the rhythm of your heartbeat my own. I feel your desire. I feel your yearning to do well and be well in the world. I congratulate and celebrate you. I’m so happy that we had a chance to spend two and a half hours together yesterday because my heart was so filled with what I do know for sure about being successful in life and what it takes that I knew I wouldn’t be able to get it all in a commencement speech .
So I’ve tried to condense into just three items. Aren’t you glad it’s three and not ten?
What I feel really matters and that I want to share with you. I did a lot of thinking and praying about you all because you are me. You represent who I am, who I have been, and who I can be in the world. And so my prayer is that I will be a vessel so that the words will flow through me to you in such a way that when the times get tough, you remember and you know.
Yesterday I heard the Glee Club sing and today, that Glee Club, y’all need a show. But yesterday they sang a song and I don’t know the name of the song but the lyrics were we are here because of our grandmother’s prayers and our grandfather’s dreams and we came on the breath of our ancestors. That feels like the truth to me.
That song resonates in my spirit because I know that to be true for myself. That I stand where I stand because somebody prayed for me and dreamed for me and I come trailing the breath of the ancestors. And what I want to share with you is what two of my favorite mentor teachers, Toni Morrison and Maya Angelou, have said to me that I want to add to the prayers and the dreams.
Your crown has been paid for. Put it on your head and wear it.
You’re going to walk out of here with a crown today that has been paid for, not just by you and your four years, but paid for by the blood from the lynchings, the tears and the sweat, from the toil and the trials and the sorrows, from the burdens and the weariness, paid for by the sit-ins and by the setbacks, and paid for by those who in the words of Sterling Brown, strong men kept a coming on, coming on, stronger, strong men getting stronger.
Paid for in the words of Langston Hughes by those who knew that life wasn’t going to be crystal stair. It was going to have tacks in it and places on the floor bare and all the time they would keep climbing on and reaching landings and going in the dark where there was no light because even though they hadn’t experienced it or tasted freedom, they knew they were planting seeds of the free that would bear the fruit that is now you.
This is their day as well.
And so today, you get to fulfill the dream of the great-great-grandmothers who said, I may not get there, but my great-great-granddaughter may one day walk across a stage called Spelman. As a liberated woman, as a liberated, educated woman, today is your day. Never forget that you did not do this by yourself.
You come here today trailing the breath of the ancestors and the breath of the angels. As I spoke yesterday, I was so pleased to know that you Spelman women are in the spirit. And the three things that I want to leave with you, just these three, I could do ten, I could do a whole life class, but just these three things will carry you if you let them.
First and foremost, knowing who you are. Knowing who you are. Being able to answer this question, who am I and what do I want? You know, many times when I go out of the country, I am baffled by that question to explain what is your occupation. I’ve stood there for 10 minutes. Well, am I a talk show host? Well, I’m more than a talk show host.
Am I a businesswoman? I’m a businesswoman. I’m more than a businesswoman. Am I an entrepreneur? I’m more than an entrepreneur. So I just leave it blank or self-employed. So I’m not asking for the roles that you play as daughters. I’m not asking that question. What are the roles that you play as a daughter, as a friend, as a sister?
You’re going to be a lawyer. You’re going to teach. You’re going to be a pharmacist. I’m asking the bigger question of who am I? Who am I really? My answer is I am God’s child. I am that which is born of all that is. I am, as Pierre de Chardin said, a spiritual being having a human experience. Come trailing the breath of the ancestors yet, but trailing the breath of the angels.
And understanding that because I am connected to the source of all that is, all that is possible is possible for me. That’s who I am. And what do I want? I don’t want to just be successful in the world. I don’t want to just make a mark or have a legacy. The answer to that question for me is I want to fulfill the highest, truest expression of myself as a human being.
I want to fulfill the promise that the creator dreamed when he dreamed the cells that made up me. What do I want? You must have some kind of vision for your life. Even if you don’t know the plan, you have to have a direction in which you choose to go. I never was the kind of woman who liked to get in a car and just go for a ride.
I had a boyfriend who would say, let’s just go for a ride. I want to know where are we going? Do we have a destination? Is there a plan or are we just riding? What I’ve learned is that’s a great metaphor for life. You want to be in the driver’s seat of your own life because if you’re not, life will drive you.
So… knowing who you really are in this space and time that we embody, that’s number one. What do you want? Who are you? Number two, you must find a way to serve. Martin Luther King said that not everybody can be famous, but everybody can be great because greatness is determined by service. Now we live in a world where everybody wants to be famous and where we admire people for just being famous.
We think being known brings us value. The truth is all of that will fade in time. In three years, you won’t be able to name the housewives of Atlanta.
The real truth is that service and significance, service and the significance that you bring to your service is that which is lasting. So to be able to whatever your occupation or job or talent or gift is, our honorees today getting doctorate degrees, two apparently opposite fields, HIV and AIDS and the spoken word.
But what they have in common is service, using the spoken word in service to community and the world, using your knowledge and information about HIV and AIDS and medicine in service to the world. And if you look at all the most successful people in the world, whether they know it or not, they have that paradigm of service.
Everybody’s talking about Mark Zuckerberg and IPO. Service. Jay-Z, Rapping. Service. Through the word, to people, through song. For many years, I was really just happy to be on TV and people would stop and say, oh, you on TV? Yeah, I’m on TV. I like being on TV. It’s a nice job. And it was about the time that I received my honorary doctorate from Spelman around 1993.
I don’t know if that had something to do with it. I thought of myself as Doctor Winfrey. That I went back and I took a long look at what it was I was doing on, on TV… and made a decision that I was no longer going to just be on TV, but I was going to use TV as a platform, as a force for good and not be used by TV.
And I will tell you,
my decision to make that significant change in the way I operated on television, using television as a service, changed my career exponentially. Service through medicine. Service through art. Using whatever it is you produce, your product, as a way of giving back to the world. When you shift the paradigm of whatever it is you choose to do to service and you bring significance to that, success will, I promise you, follow you.
Service and significance equals success. That’s number two. Number three, it’s so simple but so hard to do. Always do the right thing. Always.
Be excellent. People notice. Think of how you notice. You go to Taco Bell, somebody gives you extra napkin and some sauce. You notice. You want to go back to that person because even at Taco Bell, excellence shows itself. Be excellent. Let excellence be your brand. Everybody talks about building a brand. I never even knew what that was.
When people say, you’re a brand, I would say, no, I’m just Oprah. What I recognize now is that my choice to, in every way, in every example, in every experience, to do the right thing and the excellent thing is what has created the brand. Years ago, I did an ad for Revlon for an ad they were doing called Unforgettable Women.
What I know is that when you are excellent, you become unforgettable. People remember you. You stand out regardless of what it is. You become an unforgettable woman. That is what we all want. We want to be unforgettable and not forgettable. Doing the right thing, even when nobody knows you’re doing the right thing, will always bring the right thing to you.
I promise you that. Why? Because the third law of motion is always at work. For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. That is so true in all of our lives. That’s what Newton said. Celia in the color purple said it. Everything you even try to do to me, already done to you. Everything you even try to do to me, already done to you.
So you don’t have to worry about revenge or getting back at somebody, making sure they pay. You just have to do the right thing and the right thing will follow you, even when people don’t support it. I remember many times on my show, there are many shows y’all never saw. And the reason you didn’t see them is because I got the last vote.
And I remember 2010, my team, hardest working team in television had done this interview with a woman who turns out she was a Sunday school teacher by day and a sex addict at night. Ooh. And they were like, you won’t believe it. We got her going out. We got her with the men and we get to show her and she was willing to show us everything.
I sat down with a woman for an interview that was taped. And during the process of the interview, I said, why are you doing this? And she said, oh, I want to help people. I want to tell my story and I want to help people. I said, do you have children? She says, yes, I have a 10 year old son. I knew right then this is never going to see the light of day.
So we got off the air and I said to the lady, we are not going to air that show. And she said, why? My producer said, why? She knew she was being filmed. She knew what she was saying. She knows what you’re… I said, because her son will never get over it. Her son will never get over it. And it’s not worth a rating point to me.
Not worth a rating point to me to know that there’s a 10 year old boy who’s destroyed because his mother went on the Oprah Winfrey show and told all her business. You do the right thing, even when other people think it may not be. And oftentimes when you make a decision to do the right thing, immediately you’re faced with doubt.
Was that the right thing? Was that the right decision? I don’t know. Was that the right thing? You always know it’s the right thing when in the end there is peace. You are rewarded by peace in knowing that you did the right thing.
The most important thing I have come to know in doing the right thing and making the right choices is understanding what we talked about yesterday. All of you leaving here have the potential for enormous success. There’s a price that comes with that. People don’t always like you and they’re not always happy for you.
If you surround yourself with people who are not accustomed to your success, they become fearful, they become scared because you are reflecting back something to them that they don’t recognize. Now they’re not going to say, I’m very fearful because you’re reflecting back to me something I don’t recognize.
They’re going to say, you know what they’re going to say. They’re going to say, who she thinks she is? Who she thinks she is? That only happens when you are around people who do not mean and want and aspire to the best for you. People who want the best for you want you to be your best. So my greatest advice to you is to surround yourself with people who are going to fill your cup until your cup runneth over.
So when people say, you’re so full of yourself, you can say, yeah.
Yes, I’m full. I’m so full my cup runneth over. And to know that once your cup runneth over, you cannot spend your life with your gallon-sized offerings offering them to pint-sized people.
You have got to surround yourself with gallon-sized people who can hang in the same company with you so that you’re not offering your gallons to those little pints out there who can’t hold it anyway. Choice to change the world . I love that song. I love hearing you all sing that song. And what I know for sure is that the biggest choices begin and end with you.
Your internal big questions. Who do I want to be in the world? My relationship to source energy, to all that is God. I’m not talking about what you believe in God. I’m talking about your experience of that which is all life, which is divine and universal. I’m talking about the big deal, being connected and aligned with that.
When you are tuned in and charged into that, whenever you feel empty, you go inside yourself and you connect to the source and you know that all things are possible.
You know that. And to choose to do the right thing in service and significance. I promise you, you will create a vessel of service for yourself first because you have to honor yourself first. You have to give to yourself first, otherwise you have nothing to give away. You will create a vessel for yourself, for your family, your community and the world.
And those three things will not only lead you to a blessed life. I stand as a witness. My life is so blessed I can’t even take it in sometimes. It will lead you not just to a gifted life and a rewarding life that fills you up, but a sweet life. That’s what you want. You want the sweetness. You want it to be so sweet so that even when the storms come, and they will, you’ll know this too shall pass.
This too shall pass. The storm is passing over and you shall not be moved because you know who you are.
Phenomenally, phenomenal class of 2012. Thank you.
Oprah Winfrey
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