minnie driver book review guardian

Minnie Driver’s First Memoir, Managing Expectations , Won’t Be Her Last

Minnie Driver has held many occupations: she’s been an actress, a musician, and even a purveyor of jeans. But now, the actress adds one more title to her résumé: memoirist. In Driver’s new book, Managing Expectations , she takes readers along for the ride, detailing her at-times unconventional upbringing in England, her journey to motherhood, and her winding career path, from the first big film she booked to the moment she was cast in what would become an Oscar-nominated role in Good Will Hunting (without naming names of the screenwriters—one of whom she was involved in a public relationship with for some time after the film was released in 1997). She shares the story of her life in ten honest, emotional, and erudite essays, charmingly proving that she was born to be a storyteller, no matter the medium.

Just before the release of her first book, Driver spoke to W over the phone, calling from her home in Malibu after a morning of surfing in the Pacific Ocean. She got into her writing process, her favorite authors, and whether or not she’ll write some more books in the future.

Many people know you as an actress, musician, and also as a podcast host. But how did you know you were a writer?

My English teachers were the reason I became an actor. I started to understand plays and character through writing and reading an enormous amount. So I feel like I’ve always written loads, just not in this form. I’m a huge letter writer and journal keeper. I wrote music. When you are better known for something else, it feels like an adjunct, but it’s actually always been part of the centrifuge. Covid created a massive space for one to explore in that great pause.

The stories you tell of your childhood, growing up as a precocious child in England with your sister, your mom and her husband, and later visiting your dad in the Caribbean, were fascinating. You remember so many funny details, like your hilarious description of a flight attendant who helped you when you were a child traveling solo to Miami. How did you recall all of those little moments?

The reason I chose those stories to write about is that they’re etched so deeply into my memory. I come from a storytelling tradition in my family, an oral tradition. I’ve been telling that story for many years—maybe in not as much detail, but I remember that woman! I remember that her bosom looked like it was tucked into the waist band of her skirt: it literally started just underneath her chin and then was tucked into her skirt! It was bananas. These snapshots stay with you, and then when you sit down to write about them, it becomes hilarious.

In the book, you share your perspective from when you were a budding movie star, and how unstable the job can be. Do you look back on those periods of time when you were feeling uncertainty about the future and feel a sense of closure or acceptance now that you’ve had success?

I wish that I did. That major theme of that runs through the book—of there being no there there—I feel that so hugely. I’m sitting here this morning, looking at the ocean. I surfed early this morning; my body is strong and works. I come back and I knew I was gonna be speaking to you about this book that I love, and I just can't believe I actually wrote a book! All these things are so amazing—my beautiful boyfriend, my amazing kid—yet I’m sitting here going, Why the fuck don’t I have an acting job? What is gonna happen? It's over. It’s like being haunted by a ghost that you have chosen to fucking live with, and it doesn’t ever go away. I was haunted by it when I was first starting out and it has never changed. It is common to every actor, no matter how successful you are. It's absurd, but you always think your last job was your last job.

The final chapter of the book is a beautiful ode to your mother, who passed away last year. You mentioned wanting to publish the book before Mother’s Day—were you trying to make that deadline as a way to honor her?

When I first signed a publishing deal, they said there are two times during the year that are really great for releasing books. One is the autumn and one is around Mother’s Day. It seemed like a good target. I wanted that to be the focus, then when mommy died, I couldn’t really write for two months. All I could write about was her dying. It was just awful, but it was all I could do. I, in that time, thought, The book is fucked. There's no way I'm gonna be able to finish this book because I'm stuck in this eddy of sadness and grief. Then, weirdly, writing through that, and still believing I could make that date gave things a focus. Her death and writing that chapter about her really reframed the rest of the book, and in a way helped me go back and edit a lot more keenly. It really created a shape for a book that had been a bit more wayward.

Will you write more books? I’m asking because I’m curious, but also because I’m pleading for you to write more.

Thank you so much. I definitely will write more. I’d really love to write a novel. I’ve broken the seal on this.

What are some other books that you’ve read recently that you really liked?

I’m really crazy about this very young British writer called Saba Sams. She wrote a book called Send Nudes , and she’s an extraordinary talent. I’m just halfway through The Sellout by Paul Beatty and this Elif Batuman book called The Idiot , which is brilliant. I’m crazy about Deborah Levy, she’s probably my favorite memoirist of all time. She does these things called living autobiographies where they’re literally autobiographies, but they’re about her life now.

What television shows are you watching?

I’ve been a Killing Eve fan, Jodie Comer is a goddess. I’m a big Sex Education fan as well. I love the writing on that show. I’ll watch anything with Julia Garner in it. She was amazing in Inventing Anna.

Your podcast Minnie Questions with Minnie Driver features such a wide range of guests, from celebrities to your collaborators to your son. What other podcasts do you like to listen to?

I really love Elizabeth Day’s podcast, How to Fail . It’s such a useful, brilliant kind of repository for human frailty and humor. I know it’s old school, but genuinely, This American Life is still just as genius as it was from its inception. I’m not really into the true crime, murder thing, because it scares me sad, but I did love Serial . They’ve just put out this podcast called The Trojan Horse Affair , which deals with apparent “Islamification” of schools in Birmingham, England. And while that sounds heavy, and it is, it is so brilliantly made. There is so much humor and wonder from the two men that made it.

There’s an essay in your book where you write about the summer after you graduated from drama school, and you weren’t really able to find work as an actress, but you did spend a lot of time going to raves in fields. What’s the last concert you attended?

It was such a long time ago, before Covid. I took my son to the Greek to see Bastille because he’s a really big Bastille fan. We were at the very front; it was my son’s first big concert. It was pretty great, but mostly because I was watching it through Henry’s eyes.

What’s the last song you’ve had on repeat?

PJ Morton’s cover of “How Deep Is Your Love.” It is, dare I say it, as good as the Bee Gees’s version. It’s truly beautiful, so vibey and incredible.

What is the last thing you do before you go to bed?

You know, I still think about my mom. I still say goodnight to her. I look at the sky, and it’s really clear in Malibu, there’s not a lot of light pollution. I look at the stars and I think about her and I really try and feel good about it as opposed to sad about it. If I’m feeling sad, I’ll stand there until I feel good about it. It definitely still helps as part of the grieving process to think of her with a smile before I go to sleep.

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Book Summary and Reviews of Managing Expectations by Minnie Driver

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Managing Expectations

A Memoir in Essays

by Minnie Driver

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• Genre: Essays
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About this book

Book summary.

A charming, poignant, and mesmerizing memoir in essays from beloved actor and natural-born storyteller Minnie Driver, chronicling the way life works out even when it doesn't.

In this intimate, beautifully crafted collection, Driver writes with disarming charm and candor about her bohemian upbringing between England and Barbados; her post-university travails and triumphs—from being the only student in her acting school not taken on by an agent to being discovered at a rave in a muddy field in the English countryside; shooting to fame in one of the most influential films of the 1990s and being nominated for an Academy Award; and finding the true light of her life, her son. She chronicles her unconventional career path, including the time she gave up on acting to sell jeans in Uruguay, her journey as a single parent, and the heartbreaking loss of her mother. Like Lena Dunham in Not That Kind of Girl , Gabrielle Union in We're Going to Need More Wine and Patti Smith in Just Kids , Driver writes with razor-sharp humor and grace as she explores navigating the depths of failure, fighting for success, discovering the unmatched wonder and challenge of motherhood, and wading through immeasurable grief. Effortlessly charming, deeply funny, personal, and honest, Managing Expectations reminds us of the way life works out—even when it doesn't.

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Reader reviews.

"[A] series of deftly crafted essays...Driver's spirited prose informs all the essays; a standout is her graceful, moving chronicle, radiant with love, of her mother's last days. Sharp observations and quirky irreverence make for a delightful read." - Kirkus Reviews (starred review) "Actor Driver parlays her ebullient charm from the screen to the page in this sparkling debut, a series of amusing essays on Hollywood, motherhood, and the vicissitudes of life...Humorous and heartfelt, this is sure to please fans." - Publishers Weekly "To reveal oneself in a manner that is at once poignant and fiercely intelligent while also being funny, warm, and genuine, is quite a feat. Minnie Driver shows us she is even more than what's met the eye all these years. Simply put: I love this book!" - Therese Ann Fowler, author of A Good Neighborhood and Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald "We have all been charmed by Minnie Driver on the screen, but it's a divine pleasure to learn the woman behind some of our most beloved characters is a writer of true precision, wit and style who has had a life more compelling than any movie. This book will be a companion to those struggling to make sense of their own story and a clarion call to mothers (of all kinds) grappling with their identity. I was comforted, galvanized, touched and - no surprise considering the author - charmed, too." - Lena Dunham

Author Information

Minnie driver.

Minnie Driver is an English and American actress, singer, and songwriter whose films include Circle of Friends , GoldenEye , Big Night , Grosse Pointe Blank , Sleepers , Ella Enchanted , The Phantom of the Opera , and most recently, the Amazon Original film Cinderella . For her role as Skylar in Gus Van Sant's Good Will Hunting , she was nominated for both the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress and a Screen Actors Guild Award. She has also starred in several television series, including The Riches , for which she received Emmy and Golden Globe nominations, Speechless , Will and Grace , and Amazon's Modern Love . She has also recorded three albums, Everything I've Got in My Pocket , Seastories , and Ask Me to Dance all of which received considerable critical acclaim. She lives in Los Angeles.

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MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

A memoir in essays.

by Minnie Driver ‧ RELEASE DATE: May 3, 2022

Sharp observations and quirky irreverence make for a delightful read.

The veteran actor delivers a memoir in a series of deftly crafted essays.

In her debut, Driver engagingly writes about family dramas, self-doubt, her unruly hair, unexpected motherhood, and the trajectory of her career. She grew up partly in England, with her mother, sister, brother, and the man her mother had recently married; and partly in Barbados, where her father lived. “None of it makes any sense,” she writes about her childhood. “There is no conversation about all this change. New people wander into our landscape and nobody but me thinks it’s weird.” Fed up with Driver’s rudeness toward his girlfriend, her father sent her back to England, which required an overnight stay, alone, at Miami’s Fontainebleau Hotel. Reflecting on her feelings then, she writes, “I always want grown-ups to like me, but find it difficult to behave in a way that seems to consistently please them.” After graduating from acting school, she was despondent about being the only one in her class without an agent. “The place I found myself stuck, at twenty,” she writes, “was being a new adult—still furnished with a child’s dream plan, but being asked to manifest it in a world of adult expectations.” After appearing in the lead role in the 1995 film Circle of Friends , for which she was paid $10,000, Driver expected other offers to roll in. But these were so slow in coming that she took off to Uruguay, where her sister was living with a boyfriend. For the author, beach life seemed a possible future—until she was summoned to New York for an audition. Walking anonymously through the streets of Manhattan, she suddenly felt liberated. “I can consciously decide who I am and not let circumstance or previous damage dictate it,” she gushed to her sister. “I can be the conscious architect of my own life!” Driver’s spirited prose informs all the essays; a standout is her graceful, moving chronicle, radiant with love, of her mother’s last days.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022

ISBN: 978-0-06-311530-9

Page Count: 352

Publisher: HarperOne

Review Posted Online: Feb. 14, 2022

Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 2022

BIOGRAPHY & MEMOIR | ENTERTAINMENT, SPORTS & CELEBRITY | GENERAL BIOGRAPHY & MEMOIR

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Awards & Accolades

Our Verdict

New York Times Bestseller

by Stephanie Johnson & Brandon Stanton illustrated by Henry Sene Yee ‧ RELEASE DATE: July 12, 2022

A blissfully vicarious, heartfelt glimpse into the life of a Manhattan burlesque dancer.

A former New York City dancer reflects on her zesty heyday in the 1970s.

Discovered on a Manhattan street in 2020 and introduced on Stanton’s Humans of New York Instagram page, Johnson, then 76, shares her dynamic history as a “fiercely independent” Black burlesque dancer who used the stage name Tanqueray and became a celebrated fixture in midtown adult theaters. “I was the only black girl making white girl money,” she boasts, telling a vibrant story about sex and struggle in a bygone era. Frank and unapologetic, Johnson vividly captures aspects of her former life as a stage seductress shimmying to blues tracks during 18-minute sets or sewing lingerie for plus-sized dancers. Though her work was far from the Broadway shows she dreamed about, it eventually became all about the nightly hustle to simply survive. Her anecdotes are humorous, heartfelt, and supremely captivating, recounted with the passion of a true survivor and the acerbic wit of a weathered, street-wise New Yorker. She shares stories of growing up in an abusive household in Albany in the 1940s, a teenage pregnancy, and prison time for robbery as nonchalantly as she recalls selling rhinestone G-strings to prostitutes to make them sparkle in the headlights of passing cars. Complemented by an array of revealing personal photographs, the narrative alternates between heartfelt nostalgia about the seedier side of Manhattan’s go-go scene and funny quips about her unconventional stage performances. Encounters with a variety of hardworking dancers, drag queens, and pimps, plus an account of the complexities of a first love with a drug-addled hustler, fill out the memoir with personality and candor. With a narrative assist from Stanton, the result is a consistently titillating and often moving story of human struggle as well as an insider glimpse into the days when Times Square was considered the Big Apple’s gloriously unpolished underbelly. The book also includes Yee’s lush watercolor illustrations.

Pub Date: July 12, 2022

ISBN: 978-1-250-27827-2

Page Count: 192

Publisher: St. Martin's

Review Posted Online: July 27, 2022

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by Brandon Stanton

by Brandon Stanton photographed by Brandon Stanton

by Brandon Stanton ; photographed by Brandon Stanton

LOVE, PAMELA

by Pamela Anderson ‧ RELEASE DATE: Jan. 31, 2023

A juicy story with some truly crazy moments, yet Anderson's good heart shines through.

The iconic model tells the story of her eventful life.

According to the acknowledgments, this memoir started as "a fifty-page poem and then grew into hundreds of pages of…more poetry." Readers will be glad that Anderson eventually turned to writing prose, since the well-told anecdotes and memorable character sketches are what make it a page-turner. The poetry (more accurately described as italicized notes-to-self with line breaks) remains strewn liberally through the pages, often summarizing the takeaway or the emotional impact of the events described: "I was / and still am / an exceptionally / easy target. / And, / I'm proud of that ." This way of expressing herself is part of who she is, formed partly by her passion for Anaïs Nin and other writers; she is a serious maven of literature and the arts. The narrative gets off to a good start with Anderson’s nostalgic memories of her childhood in coastal Vancouver, raised by very young, very wild, and not very competent parents. Here and throughout the book, the author displays a remarkable lack of anger. She has faced abuse and mistreatment of many kinds over the decades, but she touches on the most appalling passages lightly—though not so lightly you don't feel the torment of the media attention on the events leading up to her divorce from Tommy Lee. Her trip to the pages of Playboy , which involved an escape from a violent fiance and sneaking across the border, is one of many jaw-dropping stories. In one interesting passage, Julian Assange's mother counsels Anderson to desexualize her image in order to be taken more seriously as an activist. She decided that “it was too late to turn back now”—that sexy is an inalienable part of who she is. Throughout her account of this kooky, messed-up, enviable, and often thrilling life, her humility (her sons "are true miracles, considering the gene pool") never fails her.

Pub Date: Jan. 31, 2023

ISBN: 9780063226562

Page Count: 256

Publisher: Dey Street/HarperCollins

Review Posted Online: Dec. 5, 2022

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 1, 2023

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Managing Expectations by Minnie Driver, Read by Minnie Driver

An exceptional memoir.

Every Monday through Friday, AudioFile ’s editors recommend the best in audiobook listening. We keep our daily episodes short and sweet, with audiobook clips to give you a sample of our featured listens.

English actor Minnie Driver’s captivating performance of her exceptional memoir, Managing Expectations , will have you listening 24/7. Host Jo Reed and AudioFile’s Michele Cobb discuss the memoir told in a series of emotional essays providing insights into Driver’s life as a human, rather than as a star. In witty prose and with great storytelling skill, Driver offers beautifully crafted, often funny, always wise snapshots of her life. Her warm, inviting voice makes you wish to stay long in her company.

To listen to the whole archive of Behind the Mic with AudioFile Magazine, subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher , Google Podcasts , or wherever else you find your favorite podcasts.

Support for AudioFile’s Behind the Mic comes from Graphic Audio, A Movie in Your Mind. Dramatized adaptations produced with a full cast, cinematic music and sound effects. Action packed audiobooks like you never heard before. Save up to 40% Off this month! Try samples of 1,600 titles now at GraphicAudio.ne t.

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Managing Expectations: a Memoir in Essays by Minnie Driver

May 29, 2023 by faintingviolet Leave a Comment

Unbeknownst to me, I’ve been following along with Minnie Driver’s acting career in real time since her debut in Circle of Friends . Several of her performances have stood out to me over the years and as I have a fondness for memoirs, picking hers up seemed inevitable and going the author read audio route all the better. For almost a week Driver’s voice accompanied me on my various drives (and notably in and out of Philly for work in a day) and it was truly delightfully pleasant.

That might seem like faint praise but given my reading year delightfully pleasant is really quite high praise. In Managing Expectations Driver is thoughtful and introspective, unpacking the personality quirks and lived experience that make her who she is. About half the book skips through Driver’s childhood as she grows up in the shadow of her parents’ failed relationship and the fact that her mom was her dad’s mistress and her mom’s battles to maintain custody of her daughters in the 1970s.

The subtitle of this book gives an important indication of its parameters. Driver selected stories that highlight various times in her life and explore a larger topic or theme. I won’t go into them here; I’m hoping you’ll read them for yourself (also… it’s been four weeks since I read this) but while her career is a focal point it isn’t the only one. The complexities of life are the real point of the book. Driver approaches it all with grace. Grace for herself, and grace for those who were in and out of her life.

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Managing Expectations: AS RECOMMENDED ON BBC RADIO 4. ‘Vital, heartfelt and surprising' Graham Norton Hardcover – 12 May 2022

Purchase options and add-ons

• Print length 288 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Manilla Press
• Publication date 12 May 2022
• Dimensions 14.4 x 2.8 x 22.2 cm
• ISBN-10 1786581507
• ISBN-13 978-1786581501
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Book description, about the author, product details.

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Manilla Press (12 May 2022)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1786581507
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1786581501
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 14.4 x 2.8 x 22.2 cm
• 86 in United States Cinema
• 546 in Acting & Auditioning (Books)
• 994 in Film Genres

About the author

Minnie driver.

Minnie Driver is an author, actor, musician and podcaster. In her different creative fields she has been nominated for an Oscar, several Emmys and a Screen Actors Guild Award, she has toured extensively and opened for REM, Coldplay and Crowded House. Her writing has been prolific, but never for public consumption until now, with the advent of her first book, ‘Managing Expectations’. Minnie lives in California and London with her son Henry, her boyfriend, Addison and her dog, Bob.

Customer reviews

• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 5 star 57% 27% 10% 3% 3% 57%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 4 star 57% 27% 10% 3% 3% 27%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 3 star 57% 27% 10% 3% 3% 10%
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• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 1 star 57% 27% 10% 3% 3% 3%

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Customers find the memoir interesting, entertaining, and addictive. They praise the writing quality as well-written, easy to read, and articulate. Readers also find the humor funny and amusing. They describe the book as heartwarming, poignant, and full of love.

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Customers find the memoir interesting, addictive, and entertaining. They mention it's well-written, fast-paced, and honest. Readers also appreciate the descriptive narrative and say it's an excellent read on the beach.

"... Well worth a read ." Read more

"...Even if we didn’t have the same experiences they feel totally relate-able . A touching end to the book. Very lightly written and so a delight to read." Read more

"An excellent read . More like a novel than a biography. Throughout the book, Minnie never railed against what life threw at her...." Read more

"...An enjoyable read ." Read more

Customers find the writing quality of the book well-written, easy, and enjoyable to read. They also say the author is funny, articulate, and mischievous.

" So well written , you are unaware of the writing from almost the first moment as it draws you into the narrative and instead of reading a book, you..." Read more

"...A touching end to the book. Very lightly written and so a delight to read." Read more

"... Well written and thoroughly captivating." Read more

" Well written , very funny in parts, Each chapter covers a separate episode of her life (It’s not chronological). An enjoyable read." Read more

Customers find the humor in the book funny, amusing, and quirky. They say the author is a natural comedian who relies on the absurd and everyday joys.

" Lots of laughs as well as frustrations and tears in this chronological collection of anecdotes...." Read more

"Well written, very funny in parts , Each chapter covers a separate episode of her life (It’s not chronological). An enjoyable read." Read more

"...It's funny , poignant, sad and gives a small glimpse into Minnie Drivers life and career. I hope she writes a follow up...." Read more

"...Minnie relay’s wonderful stories of her childhood and career . She’s funny , articulate and totally mischievous. What’s not to love about this book ." Read more

Customers find the book heartwarming, poignant, and honest. They describe it as an emotional journey, full of love, and passion. Readers also mention the book is well-written, quirky, and eloquent.

"An excellent read. More like a novel than a biography . Throughout the book, Minnie never railed against what life threw at her...." Read more

"...It's funny , poignant , sad and gives a small glimpse into Minnie Drivers life and career. I hope she writes a follow up...." Read more

"... Full of love ." Read more

"...I am sure that the group will all enjoy it. Well written and heartfelt ." Read more

Customers find the book honest, candid, and raw. They also say it's an easy and interesting read.

"There’s something refreshingly honest and mischievous about Minnie Driver and her writing reflects this...." Read more

"...picture every scene and all written with such emotion, humour and honesty ...." Read more

"...telling me their life story, written to pull you into her world in a candid and intimate honesty" Read more

"...Well written and you can't help but wish her well and applaud her for her honesty ." Read more

Customers find the personality of the book lovely, adorable, and gregarious. They also say it's a positive outlook on life and sweet.

"...into the narrative and instead of reading a book, you are hanging out with an adorable , gregarious little girl...." Read more

"...Well now we find out. Such a lovely person but with all the normal twist and turnes we all have." Read more

"A very good read, a positive out look on life ." Read more

"Raw, funny, entertaining, sweet , insightful, makes me want to rewatch everything Minnie has been in. A very very enjoyable read." Read more

Customers find the author beautiful.

"This is beautiful . Driver writes so well: funny, acute passages that contain more than the occasional golden phrase, perfectly executed...." Read more

"A brief, selective memoir but one I really enjoyed. Beauty can blind and I hadn't guessed what an intelligent, interesting person lay beneath the..." Read more

"...liked her honesty, her good writing, a lovely book to enjoy,she is a beautiful writer and I enjoyed it very much" Read more

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The paradox of fame in Minnie Driver's new memoir

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Minnie Driver's experience with fame has been what she calls "surreal." She's faced the paradox of fame: she wants to be seen, but not that much. In her new memoir Managing Expectations , the British-American actress opens up about the complicated relationships in her life, her childhood, her unexpected path to acting, and her experience as a single mother. In an interview with All Things Considered, Driver told Ailsa Chang that writing this book was an interesting inner-exploration and that it helped her understand many aspects of her own life – and her mother's.

Author Interviews

Minnie driver on the paradox of fame and her 'complicated' notion of marriage.